


to eden wandered in

by didacticinstruction



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon, all the girls, all the ships lowkey, and finding their way in life while still loving and supporting one another, but mostly the girls x happiness and growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:21:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28923495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didacticinstruction/pseuds/didacticinstruction
Summary: The girls successfully planned Shelby and Toni’s wedding. The execution on the other hand? It....could be better.or:the family they found is the only one any of them really need.
Relationships: Dot Campbell & Fatin Jadmani, Dot Campbell & Shelby Goodkind, Dot Campbell/Fatin Jadmani, Dot Campbell/Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Martha Blackburn & Shelby Goodkind, Martha Blackburn & Toni Shalifoe, Martha Blackburn/Rachel Reid, Nora Reid & Rachel Reid, Rachel Reid/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 38
Kudos: 216





	to eden wandered in

**Author's Note:**

> this is post island, the girls have had a lot of therapy, everyone is alive and they’re all doing well and have a lot of money because they got famous after being rescued lmao. 
> 
> title is from “As if some little Arctic flower” by Emily Dickinson

_i._

She had survived the deserted island, a twisted psych experiment, living in a bunker, a press tour post-rescue, even reintegration into normal, everyday life. But Fatin wasn’t sure she would survive to see this _goddamn_ wedding.

She surveyed the damage, an exasperated laugh bubbling out of her. A harried waiter threw a backwards glance at her as he carted away a stack of chairs, looking as if he doubted her sanity.

Everything had been planned so beautifully! The girls had built a perfect day, and all that was left was to execute it. They each knew their roles, knew the choreography of the day, blocked out every scene. But of course, everything would only fall into disaster at the last minute when literally no one else was around. Let it be known — Fatin Jadmani was no bitch. But single handedly saving a whole wedding _may_ have been asking a bit much.

Before she had first gotten to the venue, her morning had been beautiful. She had woken up to sunshine and the smell of waffles coming from the kitchen, Dot’s domain, for which she was very grateful; she was more than happy to have someone else cook so she didn’t set off another kitchen fire.

Fatin had awoken already in a good mood. Nora and Leah were flying down from Berkeley that day and their flight was due to land soon enough. It had been a month since she had seen either of them, since Nora was working on yet another degree and Leah’s editors wanted her close by for the editing process of her newest novel.

And, most exciting of all, Shelby and Toni were getting married, _finally_. After what all of them had been through, it felt like each of them were finally getting the happily-ever-after’s that they deserved.

The disasters started after Dot dropped Fatin off at the venue on her way to finish up some work for her job at the mayor’s office. Fatin had taken one step out of the car, mood beautifully bright, a grin on her face, but the moment she removed her Gucci sunglasses, she was hit with the aching realization that getting things ready was going to take much more work than she had bargained for.

It’s hard to believe, now, that she had _asked_ for the honor of planning the wedding. It hadn’t been entirely Fatin’s idea at first, admittedly, but it made the most sense. All the girls had heard stories about Shelby’s childhood dreams of her big white wedding, preferably with Tony Romo waiting for her at the altar.

Toni, on the other hand, had never had time to think about getting married, always in the middle of something far more pressing, and was nervous about the planning process before she had even proposed. When Fatin offered up her services, Toni’s relief was palpable.

Shelby, however, had smirked, almost issuing a challenge, eyebrows raised like she was surprised Fatin had wanted to take it all on.

It hadn’t always been easy. Wrangling the caterer, bakery, and florist, finding the venue, giving her honest opinion on wedding dresses and tuxedos and rings — she had been running around for months working to make the wedding the absolute best it could be.

The perfectionist in her, still there despite everything she had been through to teach her grace, demanded it. But more than that, she wanted to give them, Shelby and Toni, sure, but _all_ of them a perfect day. One that they hadn't dreamed possible in the dark day of the bunker.

She checked her phone to see a message from Leah.

_:( bad news. flight delayed, something to do with the weather. we should still get there with plenty of time!_

As she finished reading Leah's message, a notification chimed, and she found a text from Nora along the same lines, finishing, in all caps, with _DON'T LET THEM GET MARRIED WITHOUT US._

Fatin let out a wry laugh at the thought. Toni and Shelby would rather cancel the wedding than not have all of them there.

But Fatin had still been counting on the extra hands to lighten the burden. Dot and Martha had been wonderful, especially in their duties as maids of honor. They had taken some of the weight off her shoulders, planning bachelor parties and spa trips for the brides to be. And Rachel had offered to be her right-hand man, but Rachel only _had_ one hand, and she was already so busy with work that Fatin felt bad asking her to take on any more.

Okay, Fatin needed more help than she cared to admit. She closed her eyes, inhaled deep through her nose, the way she had practiced with her therapist, the way she had practiced on the couch in her apartment, squeezing Leah’s hand as Dot rubbed her back. She unlocked her phone, found the group chat for wedding planning that she had made, excluding Shelby and Toni. She exhaled from her mouth, sighing loudly, typed a quick _SOS_ , and got to work putting shit back together.

It seemed like she wasn’t going to have enough time to put the finishing touches on the piece that she had been composing for Shelby and Toni, one she had been working on for the past few weeks. She had wanted to play it for them as a wedding present and was close to finishing it but hadn’t had the time to sit down. Even Dot hadn’t heard it all yet, Fatin working on it in her head, humming in the car and jotting down notes and movements on napkins in between running wedding errands.

It was going to be fine. Toni and Shelby deserved the perfect wedding, so that’s what they would get. Dot would pick up the rings on her way back from the office. Martha would grab Shelby’s dress and Toni’s tux and make sure they were up and getting dressed. Rachel would swing by and remind her to breathe in through her nose and out her mouth when the stress started to build in her shoulders. Nora and Leah would be here soon.

So the venue hadn’t set up the catering station. Fatin was more than capable of getting people to get their hands dirty. So the caterers had gone to the wrong venue and were now an hour behind on their prep time. She would move things around, push dinner back an hour. So the florists hadn’t made enough arrangements and people were asking if it was too late to RSVP and asking to bring their children and informing her of plus ones at the very last minute. She had her girls.

Experience had proven that it didn’t make sense to bet against them. She knew all eight of them together again were a force to be reckoned with.

_ii._

It had been a surprise, but a good one. If anyone had told Dot in high school that Shelby Goodkind, pageant queen, church girl, All-American extraordinaire, would be one of her dearest, closest friends, she would have laughed them down and told them to go to hell.

But no, it was real. They had bonded on the island over shared histories and after the island over fresh starts. Shelby’s drive had surprised Dot, honestly. The way she could keep going and hoping, despite all logic, was impressive in a sick, grim way.

And now, years removed from the island, she was Shelby’s maid of honor. When Shelby had first asked to talk to her, wringing her hands nervously, Dot had assumed the worst. Someone had gotten sick, someone was in trouble, if Shelby was looking that shifty.

“What’s up? Something wrong?” Dot had asked, getting into fix-it mode automatically.

Shelby let out a high-pitched trill of laughter, shook her head quickly, and moved across the room to grab Dot’s hands.

“I have a favor to ask you, Dottie,” Shelby had said, her radiant smile peeking out behind her evident nerves.

Dot clasped Shelby’s hands tight, steeled herself for the news, whatever it was, when her fingers felt something unfamiliar on Shelby’s left hand. She looked down, to see a beautiful little diamond set firmly into a dainty band. Her eyes went wide as her mouth dropped.

“No _way_ Shelby!” Dot exclaimed, “Toni finally _proposed_?”

Shelby’s nerves gave way to pure excitement as she nodded, hands still tightly in Dot’s grasp.

“That’s so fucking exciting, dude, what the hell! When? How? I want to know _everything_ ,” Dot continued, picking up in excitement as she thought about the implications of what a wedding would mean.

The girls were already a family, all eight of them. Toni proposing to Shelby was the most natural evolution of that family.

Dot had taken in the pure joy on Shelby’s face, a light pink blush coloring her cheeks, and couldn’t help the grin that took over her entire body, a warm contentment settling into her.

“Listen, Dottie, the reason Toni isn’t here to tell you with me is because she’s out talking to Martha. And I have the same question to ask you — well, you know we thought that we should at least ask the two of you before — I mean,” Shelby rambled, part nerves, part excitement controlling her voice. She took a deep breath.

“What I’m trying to say, Dottie, is that I would like to ask you to be my maid of honor,” Shelby finished.

Dot was dumbfounded. In the old days, before the island, she hadn’t ever wanted any friends. She never dreamed of being invited to a wedding, let alone Shelby Goodkind’s wedding. There just wasn’t time, she didn’t have the energy or inclination. And it seemed like misery, loving someone, and sitting around with them waiting to die.

But the island had changed everything. Shelby Goodkind was one of the best people Dot knew. And Shelby had just asked Dot for something to stand beside her on one of the most memorable days of their lives together.

She realized that the silence had gone on for just a second too long, that her face had been shocked and vacantly staring at an expectant Shelby for a moment past what was reasonable.

“Yes,” she said, quietly, but had soon gotten louder. “Holy shit, Shelby, _yes_ ! Obviously I’ll be your maid of honor. I can’t believe you asked _me_.”

“Of course I asked you,” Shelby said, smile steadfastly in place, but with a little furrow in her brow. “You’re my best friend, Dottie. You’re the most honest, selfless, giving person I know. And I know how lucky I am to have you in my life. You knew me before, you knew me during, and you know me now. You know me better than anyone, other than Toni, and I can’t imagine not having you right next to me through everything.”

Dot pawed roughly at her eyes, trying in vain to stave off any tears from leaking out.

“I love ya, Shelb,” she said gruffly, before pulling the other girl into a tight hug.

A few weeks after, the girls got together to help Fatin plan the perfect wedding. Martha pulled Dot aside to conspire about a joint bachelorette party, and all the other girls had been more than willing to pitch in. There was nothing more wonderful than celebrating one of them and getting to celebrate two of them was even more beautiful.

The day of the wedding, after Dot had wrapped up everything the mayor had requested of her, she sped over to the jewelers to pick up the rings, at the last minute. As she was arriving, her phone began to chime out Fatin’s ringtone.

“Hey you!” Dot chirped, brightly, before cringing slightly. She didn’t _chirp_. The emotions of the day must have been messing with her head.

A deep groan echoed out of the speaker as Fatin groaned “Dorothy, _help_.”

“Is everything okay?” Dot asked, sitting up straighter.

“Not really but I’m just checking in that you’ve gotten the rings? I just got a call from the jeweler that he’s closing shop in fifteen minutes and won’t be open until next Tuesday. Fucking unprofessional is what I call that, but I really don’t have the energy to yell at him right now,” came Fatin’s response.

Dot relaxed a little bit. Fatin only complained if she knew she would be able to fix things.

“I’m outside the store right now, no worries. I’ve got it under control Fatin. What’s going on with setup?”

“Too much. Nora and Leah aren’t going to be here for another hour and Dorothy, get _this_ , it’s supposed to start _raining_ . I can do a lot of fucking damage control, but I can’t stop the _weather_ ,” groaned Fatin. “Listen, get into the jewelers before the asshole decides it’s okay to keep the rings. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, see you there, love you,” Dot said, hanging up. She walked into the store and after a little confusion, managed to wrest away the two rings from the jeweler, ensured that everything had been paid for, and got back into her car.

It felt good to be able to do things the right way. Ever since the girls had received the settlement from their court case, they had more money than any of them knew what to do with. All of them had immediately donated away half of the money, but even after that, they were richer than Dot had dreamed of being. Plus, with the royalties from Leah’s memoir and the movie about them, they were set.

All of them had decided to pursue different passions after moving to California. Nora lived for academia, Shelby tried her hand at acting, Martha went to veterinary school, Leah managed to write three novels, Toni was hellbent on getting a PhD in astronomy, and Rachel had been so taken by her physical therapist after she had gotten a prosthetic that she pestered him for an apprenticeship until he acquiesced.

Fatin and Dot had watched as the other girls went out and made things happen for themselves. They stepped back, let the others take center stage, and by mutual agreement, hibernated for six months. They were both exhausted, tired of expectations and burdens placed on the, beyond their years.

Neither of them had been certain of their passions for a while; Dot had dedicated her youth up until that point to taking care of her father first, and then the girls, while Fatin had spent years perfecting her mastery of the cello, but not for herself. They both wanted the chance to make their own choices, and it took six months to begin to recover from the burn out of it all.

Somehow, they had both woken up one day with the urge to encourage the other. Dot talked Fatin into posting a video of her playing the cello that usually sat untouched in the corner of their apartment. It blew up; of course, it blew up — Fatin’s talent was undeniable. She started posting more, collaborating with popular artists, and getting requests to play with orchestras.

With Fatin’s encouragement, Dot had applied, on a whim, to work in the mayor’s office, citing leadership in life-or-death situations as her “work experience”, and she somehow got the gig. She felt productive, like she was still helping people, still making a difference.

Their apartment was the unofficial spot where all the girls gathered. Shelby and Toni had their own place a few blocks away, mostly for everyone else’s sanity, but there was something magnetic about the comfort of the home that Dot and Fatin had built. They had three bedrooms and one was officially Leah’s, where she lived when she was in LA, because she needed her own space to stretch out and decompress. Nora would sometimes sleep over in Leah’s room too, finding solace in the bookshelves that lined every wall of the room. A big “Don’t Mess With Texas” sign sat over the couch, a housewarming present from Rachel and Martha, but Dot and Shelby delighted in it, claiming the couch was officially Texan territory only.

Dot’s favorite nights at the apartment were when all the girls slept over. She was the last one to go to sleep — force of habit — and before she would make her way to her own bed, she would look at the peaceful sleeping faces of each of her girls, know that they were safe, that they had survived, and feel like all was right in the world.

The wedding was just a way to legitimize what she already knew was true. The girls were her family. She’d do anything for them.

_iii._

Martha’s cheeks hurt.

She felt like she had been smiling for months now, ever since Toni broke the news that Shelby had said yes. She honestly didn’t know if she could stop smiling. She wasn’t sure she wanted to, anyway. Things had just been really good recently. Life felt right in ways she hadn’t known it could.

All the scrolling through inspo Instagram had given her really high expectations for what a happy life was supposed to look like, and the island — and everything after — had been a pretty significant detour from that plan.

Since they had all moved to the West Coast, though, it felt like that plan was back on track. She was loving the veterinary program she was in, working with bright minds and people who genuinely wanted to help wherever they could. She had ended up living with Rachel when Nora decided to get a place in Berkeley. It had mostly been to give Toni and Shelby some privacy but had actually turned out to be one of the best decisions she could have ever made.

She _got_ Rachel, understood where that drive and passion came from, knew how to get her out of her moods and back to center. And Rachel knew Martha just as well, a familiarity that neither of them remembered learning. They just clicked somehow.

And with both of them in classes, working in vaguely medical fields, they would study side by side at their dinner table. They’d work through anatomy, using each other as references. Rachel was all about clean eating, and Martha was pretty easy if there were no animals on the menu so when they learned that they both loved to cook, dinner every night was a vegetarian paradise.

Weeks were busy with school and practicals, and her job at an animal shelter, but Rachel and Martha made sure that they ate dinner together as often as they could. They both knew how important family was, and even if they didn’t have everyone else around, having each other was enough. It felt balanced.

Weekends were for everyone, though. Every Friday, they would all go out for karaoke and dancing or pile into Fatin and Dot’s living room and watch movies. It was always more fun when Nora and Leah were in town, of course. All eight of them together, moving together on a dance floor or cuddled up on a couch, those were some of Martha’s most precious moments.

And recently, working on Toni and Shelby’s wedding stuff had felt like the culmination of all that love. That they had worked to heal, worked to build each other up, and this was their reward.

Toni _deserved_ it, which was the best part. Martha knew that Toni had struggled her whole life to feel worthy of love, and here Toni was, finally, getting it from every direction and from every person that she cared about.

Martha had seen it; years of struggling, years of coming to terms with herself, and still Toni had thought that she didn’t deserve a family. Martha had tried endlessly to show Toni that they were family, inviting Toni to stay as long as she needed between foster homes, cleaning up her messes.

But she knew there was nothing that she could actually do to fix things. She was just a kid, after all, and Toni had bigger problems than Martha would have been able to solve. Martha had trouble even looking her own problems in the face.

The island changed everything. It turned Toni into someone softer, and Shelby came in and polished the edges that the black beaches had already sanded down. When the two of them had shyly held hands by the campfire for the first time, Toni looked around defiantly, as if daring anyone to say something. Shelby, however, had lifted her head very slightly, looking directly at Martha.

Martha had never felt more seen. Shelby’s glance wasn’t a passive plea for forgiveness — it was a promise. Forgiveness was something earned, and both Shelby and Martha knew the weight of what that meant, even if they had learned that in different ways.

When Toni first told Martha that she wanted to propose at all, Toni had been more anxious than Martha had ever seen.

“You were all the family I had for so long, Marty. What if I fuck this up? I don’t want to push her away. Do you think she’s ready?” Toni paced back and forth in front of her as Martha sat at the end of her bed.

“Toni,” Martha had to laugh at the pacing, the anxious eyes of the girl in front of her. “Shelby loves you with everything that she is. I don’t think there’s a single thing you could do to break this. She’s really just waiting for you to ask, you know.”

Toni paused her constant motion for a moment. She considered, for a moment, then asked in a quiet voice, “You really think so?”

“I know so, dummy,” Martha had gestured for a hug, pulling Toni in close.

Shelby had said yes, as Martha knew she would. When Toni came to ask Martha to be her maid of honor, they both started laughing, which turned into tears, which turned into them sitting on the couch of Martha’s living room and going through old pictures.

Toni pulled up a picture of Regan with the two of them. Martha craned her neck to look over at it, her chin on Toni’s shoulder.

The three of them were smiling fiercely into the camera, squinting at the sun, Toni in the middle with an arm around both girls.

“I owe her an apology,” Toni sighed. “She didn’t deserve me and all my baggage.”

“She was definitely too good for you then,” Martha agreed. “But that’s because you were so ready to quit on yourself that you didn’t give her the chance to help. But the girls in that picture died on the island, Toni. You aren’t that scared 16-year-old kid who used anger as a shield. I’m not that naive girl who tried as hard as she could to keep all the scary stuff down. The island made us face our demons. We made it out. They didn’t.”

The wedding planning had gone almost too well. Everyone unanimously voted Fatin Queen of Wedding Planning and scattered when she told them to. Martha and Dot had pulled together a little bachelor party, the type that catered to everyone’s tastes. Dot found a cute Western themed bar, and they poured in, wearing cowboy hats and bandanas. The bar had a mechanical bull, and the girls had screamed with laughter as Rachel and Toni competed for the longest hang time.

To everyone’s surprise, Fatin ended up being victorious. She saw the rest of the girls staring at her, open-mouthed and paused on her way to the bathroom to fix her hair.

“What? I’ve had a lot of practice riding bareback,” she quipped with a grin and a shrug.

It had been one of their best nights together.

And now, a few short weeks later, it was the day of the actual wedding.

Martha had picked up Toni’s tuxedo, a gorgeous piece that suited Toni’s style perfectly, and made her way to the boutique to grab Shelby’s dress.

She turned on the radio, humming along to the pop song that started playing, her smile fixed firmly in place. Martha pulled into a spot along the street, put some coins in the meter, and darted inside the store.

“How can I help you today!” the woman behind the counter asked cheerily, smiling brightly at Martha, who felt her own smile get bigger.

“I’m here to pick up a dress. Last name Goodkind?” Martha said.

The woman typed noisily, and a small frown tugged at her brow.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am. We don’t have a dress under that name.”

Martha was startled, her smile slipping for a second.

“Could you check again? My friends are getting married today, I know this is the boutique that Shelby got her dress from —” but the woman cut her off with a loud exclamation.

“Oh, _Shelby_ , yes! What a sweet girl. Silly of me, I do have Shelby’s dress! It just isn’t listed under Goodkind. No, she was rather insistent that I not put down Goodkind, which struck me as a bit odd, but you know what they say! The customer is always right!”

The woman kept talking as she looked through the rack of labeled garment bags.

“Here you are dearie. All paid for and taken care of already. I hope the wedding is absolutely wonderful!”

Martha thanked her, a bit confused from the interaction, but she wasn’t going to complain. She got back to her car and laid the garment bag out, laying it flat in the backseat. She shut the door and moved around to the driver’s side when she noticed the label on the garment bag.

_Shalifoe_ , spelled out in big block letters on the label.

Martha’s smile was back. Let her cheeks hurt. She had more than earned the joy.

_iv._

She’d made the joke a hundred times. Everyone else was very obviously sick of it, but their groans made her laugh, so she just kept saying it.

Fatin would ask her to do something or refer to Rachel as her point person on a part of the wedding detail, and Rachel would cut in, deadpan.

“Fatin, I’m sorry but I can’t be your right-hand man. I don’t have a right hand.”

The other girls would groan, and Fatin would almost always give her a shove on the shoulder, but afterwards, Leah would have a little smile on her face, and Nora would look vaguely proud.

The irony cracked her up, which was definitely progress. There had been a time when the loss of her hand practically crushed her. Lots of therapy, physical and emotional, had built her up to the point where she knew that laughing about it with the people, she loved would make her feel better than anything else could.

But being late? That was no laughing matter. The closer they had gotten to the actual date of the wedding, the more stressed out Fatin had been. With more clients than ever, she had been really busy in the days leading up to the wedding but had _promised_ that she would be there right on time to help set up.

She had forgotten her prosthetic on the counter at home, and Martha, the saint that she was, had dropped it off at work before going to pick up Toni’s tux. And _then_ she forgot her prosthetic on her desk at work and had to drive fifteen minutes back to grab it. It wasn’t that she needed it; she had gotten pretty _handy_ (ha ha) at managing without the prosthetic, but it was useful when she was doing manual labor, and she was more than certain that Fatin wanted her to help set up chairs and tables.

She was finally on her way to the venue, though, prosthetic in tow. No one else even mentioned anything about her lack of involvement in the wedding planning lately but Rachel had felt it. She had promised herself that she was going to put in the most work on the wedding day and she was already blowing it by being behind schedule.

Work had been intense for a while though. And Rachel was certain, more than she had ever been, that it was her calling.

She had talked about it with Martha for hours when she had first gotten the job. Physical therapy had been a major part of both of their lives. Knowing Martha’s story had pushed her even more than just her own experience working to get used to her prosthetic, learning to live without her hand.

Most of her clients were young girls with something to prove, much like she had been. They had pushed themselves too hard in their sport and were on the brink of permanent damage or a complete mental shut down. And Rachel knew what that felt like.

She knew what it was like to be on the brink of collapse. She knew how much work it was to rebuild yourself from the ground up, when everything you used to identify yourself suddenly didn’t apply to you anymore. The dedication it took to find your real self behind the mask of success you had used to hide.

It had actually been Toni that had gotten her through her biggest breakdown during the early days of their collective move to LA. All the girls had been sleeping in what would become Dot and Fatin’s place because they had three bedrooms and a futon. Everyone had doubled up, and Rachel and Nora took the futon.

Around three am, Rachel had woken up to her stomach growling. Part of recovery was listening to her body, she had reasoned, so she stumbled tiredly into the kitchen to grab a snack. She managed to grab the jar of Nutella, no problem, but the jar was hard to open. It was crusty, and stuck, and she just couldn’t balance it right to open it.

Rachel was getting more and more frustrated, almost on the verge of tears and throwing the jar out the window, when Toni, yawning, came in the kitchen, water bottle in hand.

Toni froze, mouth still wide open, when she saw Rachel crumpled on the floor looking completely defeated.

“Rachel? What’s going on?” she had asked tentatively.

“I can’t fucking do anything by myself anymore,” Rachel spit out, miserably. “I’m fucking useless.”

“Nah, that’s not true,” Toni replied, dropping down on the floor next to Rachel. “Just because you can’t do things the way you used to doesn’t mean you can’t do them at all. You’re the same person you always were, just with one more thing to overcome. And the Rachel I know isn’t afraid of a challenge.”

Rachel looked over at Toni, tears in her eyes.

“I hate relying on people for everything. I won’t survive if I have to have everyone helping me all the time.”

“Dude, yeah. It’d drive me crazy too. So, let’s look at it from a different perspective,” Toni suggested, shifting to face Rachel. “What if you held onto the jar with your feet? I know it’s stupid but then—”

“Then I could keep it still enough,” Rachel said, already in motion. She situated the jar, strained for a moment, and the lid popped off.

Toni stood up and grabbed two spoons from the drawer and handed one to Rachel. They both dug into the jar and started eating the Nutella in silence.

“When’d you get smart, Shalifoe?” Rachel asked, after a moment, chocolate on her upper lip.

Toni paused, spoon in her mouth, considering. Her head tilted for a moment before she responded.

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to get people as well as Martha does. But I know that I used to think that people were one way forever, and they could never change, no matter what happened to them. That people were just born good, bad, or broken. And I don’t think that anymore. We learn how to adapt.”

Rachel nodded, but she remembered not fully understanding what Toni meant. The two of them cleared away the spoons and the Nutella, and Toni filled up her water bottle before going back to the bed she was sharing with Shelby.

Rachel had sat up for a while after the conversation, thinking about what Toni had said. From a girl who had thrown her own piss at another girl, it was actually pretty deep. All she really needed was a change in perspective.

She had thrown herself fully into her physical therapy after that night, dedicated all her time to finding better solutions rather than having to ask for help. She talked to her physical therapist about every aspect of the job and discovered a passion within herself that she hadn’t realized was in there.

Everyone was there when she got her state license to practice. The girls took over a booth at their favorite bar and Nora announced that she would get the first round. Over the course of the night, one by one, each girl managed to corner and congratulate Rachel and tell her how proud they were in their own way.

But when Toni fought her way to Rachel’s side, the two of them raised their beers, smiled, and that was that. Everything had already been said.

Rachel knew she didn’t owe Toni anything; the love she had for all the girls wasn’t transactional, it was all-encompassing.

But _still_ , goddammit, she was not going to be late to set up for this wedding.

She sped in and out of traffic and silently cursed every red light. Eventually, Rachel ended up parking in front of the venue, not a second late. Fatin was waiting outside, texting furiously, not looking up until Rachel was standing right in front of her.

“Oh, thank _god_ , Rachel! My right hand man! Just who I needed right now—”

“I don’t have a right hand, but—”

“Yes yes, we get it, can you please go pick up Nora and Leah? They just landed at LAX and I can’t go pick them up like I planned.”

“I’m all over it, Fatin, whatever you need,” Rachel said, and Fatin flashed a look of relief her way.

“Thanks, Rachel. I’ll stay here and sort out this mess,” Fatin responded, pulling Rachel in for a quick hug. “If you can get those two here soon, we could use the extra hands to pull this shit together. Dot’s with Shelby, helping her get everything ready and Martha’s got Toni doing a meditation, so I’m on my own over here.”

Rachel smiled and gave a faux salute with her prosthetic held in her left hand.

“You got it, boss! We’ll be back soon.”

She turned and hustled to the car. She’d get the other two, and they’d come back to help Fatin. She’d get it done. All the situation needed was a bit of perspective.

_v._

Leah looked a bit stressed, Nora noticed.

Maybe it was the fluorescent airport lighting that cast harsh shadows down her cheeks, but Leah was looking at her phone every twelve seconds exactly. Every muffled announcement on the overhead system had her startled, looking up with wild eyes.

Then again, maybe she was just anxious about being late. Fatin was a force of nature, and interrupting her plans was sort of like standing in front of a tsunami with rain boots and a waterproof jacket.

Nora stood with her suitcase in hand, keeping an eye out for Rachel’s car. It had been a full month since the last time she had been in LA, her post-graduate programs and research keeping her busy since the bachelorette party.

Academia was her world. Nora had never felt more like she belonged than in a classroom. Working on her PhD thesis, defending her dissertation had been a rush like no other. It had been a whirlwind and she knew that she had been so in her head the whole time that she let a distance grow up between her and the other girls. She knew, vaguely, that she had been responding less and less to their messages. But she also knew that all the girls understood.

It had taken a while for forgiveness and understanding to set in, but all the girls saw and understood Nora more than her parents ever had. And her parents had been the only people who had ever gotten close.

To say she was excited was an understatement. But obviously Leah was stressed, so Nora tried to channel her inner Martha and offer some words of comfort.

“I’m sure we’re not missing anything important,” Nora offered, still looking forward at the cars but obviously speaking to Leah.

“Yeah, I know I just don’t like disappointing Fatin,” Leah muttered, looking down at her phone again.

“Well, I don’t think you’re the one disappointing her if that helps. It sounds like everything has been pretty disappointing today,” Nora pointed out. “And I think it might rain?”

Leah gave a rough laugh as she looked up at the angry clouds rolling in above.

“Of course it would fuckin’ rain in Los Angeles on the day of wedding. Of _course_ it would—” but Leah was cut off by Rachel screeching into the spot in front of them, a crazed smile on her face.

“Hey bitches! Get in, we’re going to save a wedding!” Rachel called.

Nora noticed that some of the tension seemed to leave Leah’s shoulders. Good. The girl didn’t need any more stress, or her heart would give out.

Leah greeted Rachel with a tight hug, the two girls pulling each other close. Nora grabbed their bags, deposited them in the trunk, and slid into the backseat efficiently, tapping out a quick message to Fatin that they would soon be on their way to the venue.

Rachel got back behind the wheel and motioned for Leah to take the passenger seat.

“Gotta have someone I can trust on aux,” Rachel said. “The last time I let Nora use it, we listened to her mentor’s thesis on Western esotericism for an entire road trip and I was falling asleep behind the wheel.”

Leah’s laugh was unrestrained, Nora noted with interest, as she grabbed the aux cord and set about choosing music.

The three girls made their way slowly but surely through the dense LA traffic, catching up about the past month. Nora let her attention wander a bit. She didn’t have enough time to just observe while she was working furiously on her second master’s degree, so she let her eyes unfocus and follow the patterns of the clouds moving through the sky.

Leah and Rachel were talking excitedly about something in the front seat, but Nora didn’t want to waste the energy it would take to tune into their conversation, so she let the soundtrack of their familiar cadences soothe her into a dream-like state.

It had been a while (and a lot of therapy) before everyone had forgiven her. They could have left her behind, excommunicated her from their little family, but they had brought her with them anyway. When she had finally been able to explain to each of the girls how Gretchen tricked her into helping and that she had honestly thought that each of them would have benefitted, Dot had gruffly clapped Nora on the shoulder, cleared her throat, and announced to no one in particular that she “didn’t feel like losing any more family,” before leaving the room.

Martha and Shelby stood up together, like Nora knew they would, Toni following behind them. Nora let Martha and Shelby give her full hugs, the way she knew they liked, and Toni’s small smile and quick nod spoke volumes.

Fatin, Rachel, and Leah had stayed on the couch a beat longer than everyone else. After checking that both of the others were okay, Fatin had gotten up, looked at Nora for a second and turned back to Rachel and Leah.

Fatin said, “I’m too old to hold grudges anymore, gives you wrinkles.” She shrugged exaggeratedly and walked out of the room backwards, pointedly trying to make eye contact with both Rachel and Leah.

Neither girl looked up from the spots on the floor they were fixedly examining. They all sat that way, waiting for anyone to speak. Nora squirmed anxiously, the silence weighing on her, when Rachel took a deep breath.

“You’re my sister, Nora. I always love you.” Rachel stood up and Nora reached for her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

Rachel left the room too, going to where all the other girls were, no doubt, eavesdropping, waiting to make sure there wasn’t going to be bloodshed in Dot and Fatin’s living room. Leah stubbornly maintained her silence.

Nora felt tears prickle in her eyes, her anxiety building the longer Leah’s eyes burned a hole in the ground.

“Please, Leah. I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

Finally, Leah looked up. Her eyes were a startling shade of blue, and there was a thin film of unshed tears that caught the glare of the light. Nora remembered thinking that Leah had never looked quite so beautifully proud, never looked so fierce and forgiving.

“I think I had already forgiven you deep down, honestly,” Leah sighed. “But I needed someone to blame. And you were with us and then it felt like you were against us, so you were the easiest target. But the truth is Gretchen used you just as much as she used us. And I- I know what it’s like to be so caught up in what an adult is saying and the attention they’re paying you that you lose track of what makes sense and what doesn’t. So I forgive you, Nora. But also, it wasn’t on you.”

Leah had maintained eye contact unwaveringly, the entire time she was speaking, but now that she was done, Nora couldn’t help but duck away from her gaze. She felt her shoulders hunch forward, felt relief expanding her lungs, and sat down hard on the chair behind her.

Leah came up to her and said, “We love you, Nora. The eight of us have gone through the worst together. Nothing will ever change that.”

Fatin poked her head back around the corner, smiled at the sight of the reconciliation, and called back to the rest of the girls.

“It’s all good, they kissed and made up!”

The rest of the evening had been a masterclass in the bonds the girls shared with one another, complete comfort, and joy in each other’s presence. And since then, Nora had been determined to be more open with her affection, to put more effort into her relationships.

When Leah needed to move up to Berkeley to be closer to her editor, it made the most sense for her to move into Nora's extra bedroom. They had gotten closer and closer every day, bonding over literature, and spiraling into the most niche discussions that none of the other girls would have entertained for even a moment.

In Rachel’s car, where she had fully nodded off, Nora’s eyes snapped open at the crack of thunder.

“Shit!” Rachel cursed, banging on the steering wheel. “Fuckin’ thunderstorm blowing in out of nowhere.”

“Is there a tent or something?” Leah tried coming up with alternatives.

Rachel shook her head, her expression grim. “I think we conveniently forgot a backup plan for the weather.”

The car pulled up to the front of the venue, and Nora hopped out to go and find Fatin, while Rachel and Leah went to find a spot to park and unload the junk from the car.

Nora found Fatin in the middle of chaos. A hectic swirl of flowers and chairs and tables moved in a blur around her. Fatin, however, was not barking orders. She was staring straight up at the sky, as if challenging the rain to come.

A drop fell out of the sky and hit her directly in the eye, a response to her challenge. Fatin blinked the water out of her eye, huffed a sigh of frustration, and looked at Nora.

“Oh! Hey! Nora! You guys made it!” she exclaimed. She sounded a little...off to Nora, but Nora still returned her tight hug.

All her studying and academic experience, and Nora still wasn’t sure how to work most social situations. She had considered becoming a teacher as well as a researcher, and she was working on how to ask the right questions at the right moments. She didn’t always get it right; people were just hard for her to read. But even she could tell that Fatin was on the precipice of some great mental collapse.

“Hey Fatin...” Nora said, cautiously. “Are you...okay?”

Fatin laughed, a high-pitched strangled thing.

“Okay? Am I okay?” she repeated.

And maybe Nora hadn’t learned how to ask the right questions the right way, maybe she was continually putting her foot in it, because apparently asking Fatin if she could help was the last straw and — oh no, Fatin was bursting into tears, oh god where was Leah —

_vi._

“...and it’s all been going pretty well, yeah. So hopefully I can get down here to stay for a little bit longer after everything’s finished,” Leah said.

Rachel smiled at her, honest and wide and open. “It’ll be good to have you back around more Rilke.”

Leah couldn’t help the grin that rose on her face in response.

“It’s good to be back, Reid.”

There was a marked pause as both girls just looked at each other, stupid smirks on both of their faces. Finally, Rachel unbuckled her seatbelt, turned the car off, and opened her door.

“But we have to get moving before _someone_ tracks us down and murders us for being late.”

The two girls grabbed all the supplies Fatin had requested Rachel bring and made their way over to the front of the venue.

Leah truly was so excited for Shelby and Toni. Their love story was the thing that novels were written about. And she would know, she had literally written a book about it. 

She might have dramatized their relationship a little in the memoir (because her editors had thought a central romance would sell better), but before publishing it, she had run it by the two of them, and Shelby had called it “oh, absolutely beautiful, Leah!”, and Toni had asked if she could keep that version of the draft, just until the book had come out.

Leah had obliged, of course, hadn’t put much thought into it until recently, when Toni had called her, panicked. Leah had woken up at six in the morning to her phone ringing non-stop.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and eyed Toni’s name flashing on the screen. They weren’t the closest out of all the girls, but Toni wouldn’t be calling her that early if it weren’t important. She answered, trying to prepare herself in case it was bad news.

She didn’t expect to hear panting from the other side.

“Toni? Everything alright?” Leah asked.

“I can’t- I need your help,” came Toni’s gasping response.

“Where are you, Toni,” Leah had all but demanded. “I can call Shelby and—”

“No, I’m okay, I couldn’t sleep,” Toni said, her tone evening out. “I couldn’t focus, so I thought going for a run would help but I can’t make myself stop thinking and I don’t know how to do this, so I thought — well you’re so good with words that I just thought...”

She trailed off, and in the pause, Leah heard cars rushing in the background. She knew that Toni went on early morning runs at her therapist’s recommendation. It was a way for her to get extra energy out of the way and a way to keep her from running away from situations throughout her day. But Leah had never heard Toni sound like this.

“I need help. Writing my vows.” Toni finished. Her voice was finally solid, no more gasping for breath.

“Your...wedding vows? Toni, I don’t know that I can write those for you, that’s between you and Shelby,” Leah responded, taken aback.

“No, but you wrote it so well in your book Leah. I can’t do anything better than that. Shelby deserves the best, the most beautiful words, and I don’t think I know how to do that for her. And she said she has her vows written, and I don’t even know when to start, and I just need help, okay?” Toni’s response was desperate, rushed, and veering toward combative.

Leah knew that a combative Toni was not receptive to any new ideas, so she did her best to defuse Toni’s building tension.

“Okay,” she started, slowly. “Why don’t you start with the reasons you love Shelby? And then things you think she deserves, things you can try to give her. I’ll write it down, and you just talk okay?”

There was another long pause, before Leah heard Toni say a quiet little “okay”. Leah grabbed the legal pad on her nightstand, and a pen from her drawer and waited for Toni to continue.

“Okay,” Toni said louder. “I love Shelby because...well, before I met Shelby, I thought I was broken. I thought I was someone who didn’t deserve to be loved. My dad had left, my mom didn’t care enough to stick around. I broke things to protect myself, because if I got too attached, they would end up breaking me and carrying parts of me away.”

Toni went quiet for a second and Leah’s pen scratched furiously trying to keep up.

“But Shelby was the first thing I had ever held that I felt like I wasn’t going to break. It felt like every time we touched, something inside her was getting brighter and bolder and more beautiful. She stopped wearing a mask of perfection. She stopped being so afraid of being real. And I know that was all her, but she was the first person that came to me for help. She never pitied me. She called me lucky for my freedom and she made promises even when I was afraid to hear them, and she still hasn’t broken those promises.”

Leah could hear the love in Toni’s voice, could imagine the goofy grin that was gracing Toni’s face, the way it always did when anyone brought up her pageant queen.

“Shelby’s chosen me so many times, you know? And I don’t think there’s any part of me that has any doubt about her anymore. I was someone who thought that they would never be sure of anyone, ever, but I believe everything about Shelby.”

The pause that followed was the longest yet. Before Toni got too deep in her own thoughts, Leah spoke up.

“And what about promises?”

“I promise that I’ll always see her, especially when she’s feeling invisible. Hear her when she feels like she can’t shout. Stand between her and anything that wants to make her feel less than the angel that she is. I promise to let her protect me sometimes, because she’s fierce beyond belief and I know she likes to show it. I promise to let her wake me up every morning and I’ll do my best not to be too grumpy. I want to walk with her next to me for the rest of my life, Leah. I’ve had so much bad in my life and so much good to balance it out, but she’s the most good of all.”

Leah finished writing and let out a little laugh as she began to look over what she had written down.

“What?” Toni asked, immediately defensive.

“You do know that you just wrote vows, right? I’m sending you a picture and going back to bed. Go home and kiss your fiancée, asshole,” and Leah hung up the phone, a warm glow blossoming in her chest.

She had sent the notes to Toni, who responded with _shit, i’m eloquent as fuck, huh?_ Leah sent back a few choice emojis before she settled back down to sleep. They hadn’t talked about it again, but Leah had known how hard it was for Toni to reach out for help.

She knew that their love was the real deal, had known it from the island and through every moment afterward. Shelby and Toni complimented each other in ways they didn’t even realize. She was just excited to hear Toni say her vows to Shelby’s face, finally, after a month of waiting.

As soon as the two of them finally entered the venue, Rachel nudged Leah gently. Leah turned to look where Rachel was gesturing to see a visibly uncomfortable Nora was trying to console a sobbing Fatin.

Nora’s eyes signaled to Leah, begging for help, and Rachel nodded over for Leah to drop everything she was carrying.

Leah put one hand on Fatin’s shoulder and Nora squirmed away quickly when Fatin raised her head to see who was there.

“Hi Leah,” Fatin said in a watery voice, almost sheepish. “Welcome home, huh.”

In her peripheral vision, Leah saw Nora scurry towards Rachel, grabbing the bundles Leah had dropped. But Leah was fully focused on getting Fatin to sit down for a second.

Leah ushered Fatin to the side and, once they were both seated, gently wiped her eyes. Fatin looked over at her and her chin quivered for a second before she leaned into Leah’s chest.

“Did I say “hi Leah” already?” Fatin asked, the beginnings of a smile breaking out on her face.

Leah smiled back at her and said, “You did, but I don’t mind hearing it again. I missed you.”

Fatin sighed. “ _God_ , I missed you! I can’t believe you let me plan this whole thing and then all _abandoned_ me because you were busy being wonderful and talented! That’s super annoying, I gotta say it.”

Laughing, Leah grabbed Fatin’s hand.

“Well, we’re all here now,” and Leah lifted Fatin’s hand to her head in a mock salute, “Put us to work Cap’n.”

Fatin’s eyes sparkled, and she leaned her head back to laugh, before looking at Leah again, only affection in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something when —

A loud crashing noise had them both flinching so hard they jumped. The sky broke open and rain came in a torrential downpour. The waitstaff and caterers stood frozen where they had previously been running like madmen, soaking wet in seconds.

Fatin slumped back into her chair.

“Well, there goes that. There’s the wedding ruined.”

Leah shook her head. “Absolutely not,” she said. “Shelby and Toni _are_ getting married and we _will_ make it happen. And this time you aren’t on your own. Call Dot, tell her what’s going on, and we’ll go from there.”

Fatin nodded, urged into action by the determination in Leah’s voice.

No matter what had happened before, let no one say Leah was bad in a crisis. She had worked hard for her growth. Nothing would shake her for long anymore. She had been forged in iron.

_vii._

Toni was fucking nervous.

She had rehearsed her vows a thousand times, restarted every time she had said “and” instead of “but”, trying to get it word perfect from the notes Leah had sent. She had practiced how to walk up the aisle in her tuxedo and how to cut cake and what to say when the ordained minister asked her if she, Toni Shalifoe, took this woman...

She was so ready to be _married_ already.

Toni didn’t really care about all the details, but she knew Shelby did, and she wanted Shelby to have everything she had ever hoped for. They had all sat around and heard every last-minute aspect of Shelby’s dream wedding. Toni hadn’t meant to, but she had been paying close attention that night, all eight of them huddled close around a small fire.

It had been a few weeks before they had gotten picked up, and morale was low. Rachel was slipping in and out of consciousness, Leah and Nora had gotten into an intense showdown and no one was sure how to help them, and Martha was still reeling from the aftermath of the goat.

Dot, Fatin, and Shelby were doing the best they could to keep everyone together, but it was taking a toll. Every smile, joke, or icebreaker was delivered with a strained smile that didn’t quite reach their eyes.

Shelby finished checking up on Rachel’s stump, grimacing involuntarily before putting her perfect, polished pageant face back on. She walked back over to where Toni had been sitting in front of the fire, hands buried in the sand, staring up at the stars.

The sand shifted next to Toni as Shelby sat down next to her and took her hand. They had been more and more open with physical affection since the day on the bluff, and other than a few raised eyebrows, the other girls had more pressing concerns than reacting. It had been good for both of them, having someone to ground them in the moment.

“How are ya?” Shelby asked, focused on their intertwined fingers.

Toni studied her for a second. “I’m okay. You?”

“Could be better,” came the response, Shelby’s voice shaking a little. “I know I can’t go home but I really don’t want to be here anymore Toni.”

Toni scooted closer, held Shelby’s hand a bit tighter. She looked up to meet Dot’s gaze across the fire, pleading with her eyes for a distraction. Dot’s face was gaunt, she looked completely drained, but she still sat up straighter, trying to think of a way to pull everyone together.

Before she could start, Fatin put a gentle hand on her arm, as if to say that she would take over. Dot deflated after gesturing for Fatin to speak.

“This isn’t exactly how I thought I’d be spending my parent’s anniversary, but it’s probably not gonna be very fun this year after all of the _scandal_ ,” she joked.

Toni forced a weak laugh and it got Shelby’s attention. She lifted her head from where she had been leaning it on Toni’s shoulder and looked into the fire for a moment before speaking.

“I was just thinking about how my mom and I would plan my dream wedding together when I was little,” Shelby said, the reflection of the firelight making her eyes glow.

“What, your wedding with Tony Romo?” Fatin teased.

“Tony Romo, random boys from my elementary school, Andrew even. The man didn’t matter as much as the right dress, the right rings, the right type of cake. I’d draw pictures of everything and when my dad would come home from work, I’d run up to him and talk him through everything. And he told me he couldn’t wait until he got to walk me down the aisle, hand me over to the man who would protect me when my daddy couldn’t anymore.” Her voice got more bitter towards the end, but when she finished her sentence, she looked up suddenly and laughed it off quickly.

“But I always wanted a big beautiful, white wedding...” and she continued, detailing this decadence that all of them felt wash over them. They were so starved for any beautiful thing that even this imagined wedding was like a reward, a moment for them to escape the reality of the island and hide in the imagery Shelby was creating.

“And at the end, after we both said “I do” and the preacher said it was time, my husband would dip me low and kiss me hard, and I’d be getting ready to start my happily ever after with my soulmate,” Shelby finished with a wry grin.

Toni remembered clinging onto every word. She didn’t know why at the time, but she committed everything to memory, relaying every minute aspect of it to Fatin when the time came to plan.

She wanted to do everything she could to make sure this day was _good_ for Shelby. Getting married right was Shelby’s dream, and Toni wasn’t going to be the one to fuck it up.

Her entire life things just hadn’t made sense for Toni. Nothing had worked out the way that movies made it seem. She had found something to hold onto with astronomy, tracing the constellations with her eyes closed just to find her center. But suddenly Shelby had appeared, changed everything, and she found that holding onto Shelby’s hand made her feel more real than the entire sky full of stars.

As they had finally settled in LA, she had decided to try to get her PhD, doing research and working at Griffith Observatory in her free time. Shelby had showed up every step of the way, pressing a cup of tea into Toni’s hands during long nights, brushing a gentle kiss across her forehead. Nothing is more soothing than the nights they spend in their home where she’s been sitting all day, usually working on her thesis (she’s always fucking working on that stupid dissertation).

When Shelby gets home from a night shoot or a long day, Toni will hear her key in the lock and feel a warmth build in her chest. Shelby will walk through the door, looking tired as hell, but the moment that she sees Toni, there’s a shift in her bright green eyes. A light goes on when their eyes meet, a softening of the tension in both of their shoulders. Coming together and holding one another feels like a reward, even now, years later.

Toni still can’t fucking believe that she has her dream girl and is on her way to her dream job and has the best fucking friends in the world.

Especially now, as they’re tried so hard to fix what the weather is just hell bent on destroying.

“Toni! You can’t go out there in your tux, it’ll get ruined!” Martha called, running after her quickly.

“It’ll be fine, just go find Dot! I have to talk to Fatin. We have to make sure Shelby’s okay, see what she wants to do. I’ll stay clean!” Toni promised, rushing off.

The first crack of thunder had brought back that old familiar anger, rising in her chest. Of course things couldn’t just be easy for them. Of course god or fate or _whatever_ wouldn’t cut them any slack. But just as quickly as the rage began to rise, Toni breathed it out.

It wasn’t just her day. If anything, she was going along with the whole thing for _Shelby_. That was who was important right now. Toni would do whatever she could for Shelby.

Wedding rules be damned, they seemed to be almost cursed anyway. She decided in an instant to change direction, Fatin could meet her there.

Toni had to go check on her wife.

_viii._

Shelby was enjoying a moment alone.

She was all ready, dressed and did up, when the storm finally had broken. Dot had gotten an urgent call from Fatin, muttered an apology, and left the room hastily.

For someone who had dreamed about her wedding day for years as a little girl, Shelby felt surprisingly calm at the thought it might not work out the way she had always dreamed.

Shelby caught her own reflection in the mirror and examined herself for a moment. She remembered a different time, a very different, scared little girl, staring at that same reflection. That girl hated everything she saw and prayed with everything in her to be different, thinking only about the sin she thought was eating her from the inside out.

She barely remembered being that girl anymore. Her life was so full of love and acceptance that all the pain she felt growing up was distant. But she did remember Becca. She was sure she’d never forget Becca.

She hoped Becca saw who she was now, had forgiven her, was happy for her. She really hoped that Becca would be proud of her now.

Now, staring into the mirror, Shelby saw a woman who had seen too much hurt, gotten hurt a few too many times, but had survived it all and come out the other side so much more loving than she had ever been. She loved her life in LA and her wonderful, goofy, beautiful friends. She loved her fiancée more than she knew it was possible to love one person.

Shelby considered her reflection again, hand going up to touch her hair where it rested on her shoulders, not as long as it had been in her pageant days but grown out for sure. She had been so lucky to have given and gotten so much love over the past few years. Especially since her triumphant return to society had come with the fun surprise of being permanently exiled from her family home.

Her mom still tried to keep in touch, she had to admit. In fact, her mother had called her a few nights before, knowing that Shelby’s big day was approaching. Toni checked to see if she was alright before gesturing that she’d go take a shower, and Shelby nodded robotically in response.

The conversation was awkward, there was no doubt. It was all small talk for a while, talking about the dress and the ring and the number of guests, even reminiscing about the pageant days, before Jobeth sighed heavily.

“Listen, honey, your daddy hasn’t said a word to your brother since he asked if we were goin’ to the wedding. And I don’t want him to feel like he’s lost another child. So, I’m sorry sweetie, I really am, but I just don’t think we’ll be able to make it.”

Shelby could feel the regret in her mother’s voice, and if she closed her eyes, she knew she’d see exactly what expression Jobeth’s face was making.

Fixing her eyes on a spot on the wall, not blinking, Shelby replied, “Mama, it’s fine. Honestly. I didn’t think y’all would actually be able to come. I just wanted— well, I guess I just wanted to show him that I’m not alone here.”

Shelby was sure that she could hear the way her mother was nodding over the phone. This whole situation felt familiar in a prickly, uncomfortable way that made her feel like she was a kid, getting in trouble at school.

“We miss you, honey,” came Jobeth’s voice finally. “Your daddy and I love you an awful lot. And he’s been prayin’ for you constantly. I’m sure he’s glad to know that you’re not alone.”

There was a lump in her throat, or maybe it was nausea rising. The thought of her father’s constant prayers made her feel a bit seasick and her legs were unsteady. She murmured her assent and ended the rest of the conversation as quickly as possible before crawling into bed.

Shelby heard the shower turn off, Toni’s soft humming approaching her, as she tried to still her breathing, pulling the comforter up to her chin.

Not for a single moment had she regretted her decision to be with Toni, over her old life, over her old self, over her family, even. But that thing that she had shed wasn’t even a family really, just a joke, a pretense of something perfect, when it was really made of cheap plastic and easily shattered.

Cutting ties with her old life freed her. She hadn’t lost all of her religion, but she had finally escaped the hate of it, choosing love in a way she had talked about before but never actually understood. And living without hate, living with only loyal, deep love in her life didn’t feel like the Goodkind way at all.

It felt like Toni Shalifoe.

Shelby had decided then and there that she couldn’t wait to change her name, untether herself entirely from her past.

Looking into the mirror, at that moment, the thing she recognizes the most in her own eyes is determination. A grit that most people overlooked when they first met her. A blazing love.

She got to her feet at the next clap of thunder, just as Dot and Martha came skidding in through the doors, panting and talking over each other.

Martha finally gasped out, “Toni’s coming. Can’t stall her. Hide!” while Dot nodded, bent over, catching her breath.

Shelby looked at the two girls who had run down the long hallways of the venue to come warn her. They were trying to keep tradition alive, doing what they thought she wanted. What _she_ thought she wanted.

But that wasn’t true, was it. Her childhood fantasies were about the grandeur of the moment, with no real thought as to who she wanted to spend her life with. And now that Shelby was sure — _certain_ , really, every fiber of her being knowing that she was making the right choice — who she wanted, the pomp and circumstance of it all felt...secondary.

All she saw when she looked at Martha and Dot, panting in the corner, was pure love and adoration. With a steely glint in her eyes, and her jaw firmly set, Shelby strode out of the room, leaving the two girls gaping at her receding back.

They scrambled to their feet soon enough and tried to keep up and convince Shelby to stop, telling her that they would handle it. But Shelby knew what she was lucky enough to have and she knew what she wanted.

She walked outside to where the chairs and tables were supposed to be to find...

Chaos. Complete and utter chaos.

Fatin saw Shelby in her gown and immediately burst into tears, and Dot and Leah rushed to comfort her. Rachel and Nora were working on picking up overturned chairs, but Rachel would glare over at a waiter in the corner who was nervously making calls to all of the guests informing them of the “unfortunate last-minute change in plans”.

And through it all, the person that catches Shelby’s eye the most is standing on the opposite side of the muddy, waterlogged grass, looking back at her.

_Her_ Toni. Startlingly beautiful in her tux, with her eyes shimmering with tears or with joy, Shelby couldn’t tell. Her person.

They walked towards each other as if bound to one another, propelled by magnets. Martha scurried after Shelby to make sure her train didn’t get too muddy. It was a slow walk. They were taking measured steps, like they had rehearsed. But not a moment of it was wasted. Their eyes were fixed on one another, drinking in the image of the woman they loved.

When Toni and Shelby finally met in the middle, rain falling on their faces, their shoes sinking into the mud, they stood face to face for a moment before Shelby reached out and grabbed Toni’s hand.

She looked over her shoulders to all the other girls who were watching them with soft smiles etched on their faces.

“C’mon,” Shelby drawled out. “What are y’all waiting for, get in the car! I’ve got a plan.”

Shelby, Toni, and the other girls, who had been together through every bitter and beautiful moment, headed straight to Rachel’s car.

They all squeezed in, Dot up front with Rachel giving directions and making frantic calls to her connections at the courthouse. Fatin and Martha fussed over Shelby’s dress and makeup while Leah and Nora took it as their sacred duty to crack dirty jokes to calm Toni down. The car ride took all of thirty minutes. By the time they screeched into a spot, Dot had managed to secure them twenty minutes in front of the judge.

The girls raced through the corridors of the courthouse building, Shelby tripping everyone with her train until Fatin got frustrated and grabbed it.

“I got you, bitch, now _run_ ,” laughed Fatin exuberantly. Shelby laughed too; she couldn’t help it.

All eight of them finally found the right door and banged loudly on the glass until the poor muddled secretary came out and handed them the necessary papers.

The documents were long and many, and were immediately handed over to Nora and Leah, who skimmed through carefully, pointing out where Toni first, then Shelby would have to sign. Unanimously, it was decided that Fatin would sign on as the primary witness, another honor she teared up at receiving while simultaneously protesting that her last time in charge of their wedding had gone terribly.

Eventually, the confusion and the rush and the adrenaline died down. They all stood in line, fidgeting, impatient for their turn to be processed.

But when they finally heard the names, “Shalifoe and Goodkind!” echoing through the chamber, the weight of the moment sunk in.

They were silent, but not somber, when they stood before the judge. He walked them through the legal aspects of the ceremony and Shelby really hoped that someone else was paying attention.

She was nervous suddenly, bouncing on the balls of her feet in the heels she had been strapped in. The vows were coming up if she was hearing correctly, and she needed to let Toni know exactly how much she loved her.

When the judge finally asked for vows, Shelby let Toni go first anyway. She could see that the other girl was nervous and wanted to get everything out of the way, so she smiled and waited her turn.

Toni took a deep breath, grabbed Shelby’s hands, and looked straight into her eyes, holding the stare.

She said, “Shelby, you’re the purest person I’ve ever loved. And I never thought I would find someone who got me the way you get me. You show me how to love and be loved, not just in spite of hard times, but through them, because of them. You teach me how to stand my ground and not run away like I used to do, that there are things worth fighting for. That not everything I hold breaks. I promise to be the biggest fan you’ve ever had for every show you’re on. I promise, for the rest of my life, to remind you how good you are. And that you _deserve_ to be a part of this family that we’ve built. I promise that I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re never alone. I’ve had so much bad in my life and so much good to balance it out, but you’re the most good I’ll ever know. I love you Shelbs.”

And with that it was Shelby’s turn.

“Toni. I think the first thing I want to say is thank you. You chased me but never rushed me. You held my hand but never pulled me into anything I didn’t want to do. You made sure that I was always the person in the driver’s seat while you were in the passenger’s seat with the map, and you never let me get us lost. You know all the parts of me that I don’t like to talk about and everything about me that I’m finally so proud of, after years of trying to hide it. Most of all, thank you for your patience. I love you and the life we’ve built together so much, so I promise to do what I can to make sure we both have space to grow. I promise to bring you coffee in bed in the mornings when you feel like you’re starting slow. I promise to talk to you and to listen and to be there whenever you need me. I love you Toni. So much.”

There were tears pouring from her eyes, and she could see Toni struggling with her tears too. Off to Shelby’s right somewhere, she heard a loud sniffling that was either Fatin or Martha crying too. Dot and Leah each had an arm wrapped around the other and were smiling at them with their eyes watery too, while Rachel was pretending that she just had gotten something stuck in her eye. Nora was right in front of them, beaming her brightest.

The judge’s stern face turned soft as he surveyed the girls in front of him. He walked them through the rest of the ceremony, a heartfelt “I do” from both of them and muffled sobbing from the girls who were watching.

Finally, the judge closed the book in front of him and looked up to say, “By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you married.”

He paused for dramatic effect, then announced, “You may kiss the bride.”

And before Shelby could move in to kiss her wife, _finally_ , Toni smirked at her a little and whispered, “are you sure?”.

Shelby couldn’t control her smile. She didn’t need the dream wedding, or the dream man, or all the guests.

All she needed was this: the woman of her dreams and her _real_ family, cheering her on.

She said, “I’m sure.”

The one thing that stays the same from her childhood wedding fantasy? When she felt the lips of her soulmate on hers and strong steady hands began to dip her, she knew her happily ever after was just about to begin.

**Author's Note:**

> god i love them. all mistakes are my own, come talk to me about them/the wilds/life on twitter @nonfrictionary


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